It used to be my description
of not knowing what I did want, just knowing what I didn't want. That's all
changed. The most important element is being in control. Doing what I think is
right. Not being told to do things that I know are wrong. Things that won't
work.
"Who
pushed you around?" he'd opened with.
"People
like you."
"What
do you mean, people like me?"
"Supervisors.
You think you know everything. You may have greater specialist knowledge than
me, but that's all. The scientist generally is a specialist and can fail to see
the big picture as he is entrenched in the narrow vision he has. The big
picture is seen by those further away and can then be seen to show how
different things interrelate." Well, I'd been asked, so I was determined
that he should get the whole message.
"About
life, you have a limited knowledge. I'm nearly twenty years older than you, yet
you behave as though you know everything and I know nothing. The arrogance in
your stance is quite breathtaking. And you imagine that you should be given
respect? It's absolutely contemptible. You can enjoy zero credibility from
me."
"That's
not fair."
"Really?
I've had to abandon a career. Can you really comprehend what that means in 'coming
to terms' with my situation? Battle on for several years, putting up with all
the arrogant crap I've been fed. I had to find another career track, though
there was nothing particularly well suited to me. That survived for a few more
years. The end was inevitable."
"You
could have always left the company," I was helpfully informed.
"Comments
like that demonstrate just how far you are from my reality. How little you
really understand. You imagine it's so simple. I walk out of your office and
the problem's gone away. Wrong. The problem is just beginning to grow.
Spreading like a cancer. I couldn't leave the company, just like that. Your
idea of a solution and you are in a management position, responsible for making
or breaking careers. And you don't appreciate how complex that is. All the
people involved. Those whose life is intimately linked with this one person:
your supervisee. One individual whose wellbeing will influence dozens of others
and it's patently clear that you don't care. Mess up lives and walk away. And
you talk of responsibility."
"How
do you make that out?"
"I'm
not suggesting that you should make yourself responsible for all this, but you
have the responsibility of being careful. To be aware of it. All the
time."
I
continued:
"Partners.
Children. Parents. Colleagues. Each of us has many connections. You as well, if
you think about it. Worries about the mortgage, children's education, parents'
health, Council Tax, running costs of a car. General living costs. And you can
use that as a big stick to beat us all up with.
"Don't
be ridiculous. Beat you up, indeed."
"Yes,
beat us up with," I persisted. "You think I'm being unfair, I expect.
But it's what you do. Maybe you're not even aware of it. And the worst part of
this is you seem to enjoy it. The power you have over peoples' lives."
"I
don't have that sort of power as you call it."
"Of
course, you do. The problem must be revealing itself to you now. That you don't
realise what you do. As though you have the right to have such a controlling
influence over someone. After all, you're just another employee, you know. What
do you imagine you will be in years to come when you leave work for good. When
you retire, but without respect. You will discover you are nothing. You become
more tomorrow of what you are today. That will more than likely wreck you. Will
you be able to handle that. No more influence. No more power. Career ended.
What will you do next? And
I'm not particularly bothered by it. You see, I have learned to come to terms with
this because I've had to. Can you understand that? Ask yourself how you would
deal with that. Do you think you could handle it? And then put up with all that
corporate crap as though it really matters?"
"A
career has its downside, you know. The responsibilities that go with the
position."
"I
understand that, though I believe you don't. You think you do, but you don't.
Not really. You push people like me around. Using me like a football. Well, you
did before I realised a lot of things."
"Like
what?"
"OK.
As an instance, consider what's important in life. Really important. What do
you imagine is the most important part of your life?"
"Well,
to be successful."
"Does
that involve being influential and being in a position of power? Sorry. I mean
leadership, of course." A nod confirmed the response.
"You
see, you aren't there yet. Hopefully you never will be by the route I had to
take. The road I walk is difficult because I have no shoes. But then I met a
man who had no feet. It puts a whole new perspective on life and what's
important."
"Success
to me is about being a decent human being. Taking responsibility about the
effects I have on others. Being careful. Being thoughtful. Learning about
living, not just limiting my outlook to how far I can advance in a career.
Careers end and don't I know that! Life is a 24 hour period for every day you
remain alive. When you're dead only then can your success be measured. What you
leave as your legacy. And it's only then when others start saying what they
really thought of you."
"Consider
a childless person. No kids of his own. When he visits family or a friend who
has children, he may come away thinking he understands what it's like. But then
he will leave it all behind after just a few hours and that's it. Leave the
kids behind with the parent who has the children for 24 hours of every day for
years. Parents get used to it. Come to terms with being responsible for their
children. It's a way of life."
Louis Brothnias 2005